How to Help a Loved One/Yourself in a Domestic Violence Situation
According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence “Domestic violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another. It includes physical violence, sexual violence, threats, and emotional/psychological abuse. The frequency and severity of domestic violence varies dramatically.” In recognition of domestic violence awareness month we discussed intimate partner violence on our youtube channel The Wealthiness of Healthiness Show. Watch the video here and make sure to subscribe and share it with your friends if you find it helpful.
This issues more common than we think. Most of us know someone effected by domestic violence and abuse in relationships. It’s also a multifaceted issue and there is more to it than meets the eye.
Below is a review of the tips we suggested for how to manage this situation if you or someone you love is involved in an unhealthy relationship. Nothing substitutes in person therapy but there are options and resources such as Betterhelp, TalkSpace, and organizations like the ones listed below. You can find a Therapist who specializes in counseling for domestic violence at PsychologyToday.
Tip #1: Acknowledge the complexity of their situation with support.
If you have no frame of reference of what it is like to be in an abusive relationship then it can be really confusing to understand why someone wouldn’t just leave. There are a lot of factors that come into play preventing someone being ready, willing, and able to leave. It is also really dangerous for a person to escape abuse especially if they have limited resources socially, financially and otherwise. Take a moment to consider how complicated it could be and validate your loved one by sharing that.
Tip #2: Don’t judge
We are all human which makes us quick to judge. In this situation the person being abused already has guilt and shame from their partner and themselves. No need to add to the load if they trust you enough to share what they are dealing with or you reach out because you care. Keep that care in the forefront of your mind and express genuinely how you feel if the time is right.
Tip #3: Encourage them to find other support and create a safety plan
Again, it is can really dangerous for someone to leave an abusive relationship. Encourage them as safely as possible to find expert support. I have listed some resources below to help in that process. You may have to be careful of how and what you text because their partner may read their messages or emails. You may even have to filter social media messages because if the abuser gets wind of a plan that could potentially become more dangerous. Speaking in person or over the phone could be a safer way to have these conversations but every situation is different which is why consulting an expert is highly encouraged.
Tip #4: Love them no matter what.
They may say they want to leave and not act on it. They may leave and go back. In those cases follow tips 1-3. Relationships are hard and learning to love yourself enough is no easy feat. They may need to rely on your love for them until they can generate it themselves.
Challenge-Reach out to and remind them you’re there and you care
Challenge-Know your resources. Tape crisis center and nearest safe nest and other shelters for information and support
Nevada Coalition Against Domestic Violence
I hope my blogs are a helpful source of information. That they might help you to find comfort and solace in knowing that you’re not alone. That you matter and someone’s thinking about you. Submit blog topics and questions you'd like me to address here and subscribe below to stay updated. Until next time my friend.
