Creating Boundaries with Parents

There has been a progression made in relationships with parents in our society about steering away from traditional beliefs that have been passed down from generations and educating them on using communication and establishing boundaries. On the other hand, the biggest challenge is to learn how to respect and understand those boundaries and having constancy when it comes to communication. This is where understanding how to communicate and set healthy boundaries with your parents during different stages of life will continue to strengthen a parent's relationship. The relationship between an adult child and parents will fluctuate, because the adult child desires independence and individuality as they grow older. Boundaries and communication between the adult child and parent become unclear or unknown which leads to conflict and even disconnection. Being able to express open and honest communication that leads to new terms on what one desires from the relationship along with compromising on what is being disagreed upon is integral in these family dynamic formations. Working towards improving this may result in backlash, but learning to educate parents and children on how to navigate these difficult conversations can continue to help the biggest challenge that is facing families today. Here are 3 things to remember when creating healthy boundaries with your parents. 

Talk to your parent about what they are thinking 

We can forget that our parents are also people too who have struggles themselves. It can be hard for them to come to terms with you growing up. They may want to still see you as a child or a teenager, but that’s not the case anymore. Be compassionate when you are listening to what they are saying for the reasons behind their behaviors. Provide a space where you both can have open and honest conversations. Allow them to share how they see the parents and child relationship. Be respectful as they are also struggling with this new chapter of life where things are changing. 

Be specific when setting boundaries

In order for you to establish the boundaries you need, you need to clearly explain it. You need to explain and provide examples when setting boundaries. For example, if you are living by yourself, and they constantly come over without an invitation. If you want your parents to let you know ahead of time when visiting, you can change from saying “Please don’t not come over unexpectedly” to “I understand that you want to come over, and I love to have you over. However, I have my own school/work schedule along with my other responsibilities that I need to get through. When you want to come over, please let me know when you want to come over ahead of time, so we can find a time that works best for both of us.” This set the boundary of respecting each other’s time and space. 

Compromise and stick to your boundaries 

There will be times when discussing with your parents about different boundaries you want to set, and there will be disagreements. This will be unpreventable because you both have different beliefs and different perspectives. One’s own culture and upbringings place a factor when it comes to finding it difficult to establish boundaries. However, this is where you both share your differences and find an alternative. Be willing to change and be open minded when compromising. As you set these boundaries, you can experience feeling guilty. Remind yourself that these boundaries are necessary to have a healthy and respectful relationship with your parents. Things aren't perfect, you will need to remind your parents of your boundaries, but it’s a learning process for both yourself and your parents.

By: Darlyn Magaña