How to Stop Going Through Life Checking Off Boxes
On a scale of 1 to 3, how true are these statements for you?
When I save more money, life will be easier.
When my business does well, I will feel less stressed.
When I finally get married and have children, I will fulfill my life’s biggest goal.
When I meet “the one”, I will be happier.
When I complete all of this week’s responsibilities, then I can give myself time to relax.
If some or most of these statements are true for you, then it’s likely that you are going through life checking off boxes.
As we get older and life throws more challenges at us, we realize how many things we need to do to live a comfortable life. Because of how busy life gets, it’s easy for many people to feel as though they never get a break. When this mindset kicks in, we start to go through life checking off boxes.
So, what exactly does “checking off boxes” mean? The concept is that we adopt the mindset that whenever we obtain A, then we can obtain B. Although the statement “When I save more money, life will be easier” is hypothetically true and life most likely will be easier, it strips us from acknowledging how easy life is for us now. The same goes for the statement “When I meet 'the one’, I will be happier.” Why shouldn’t we be happy right now? Adopting this mindset is toxic because it encourages us to constantly chase for things to get better.
If you’re reading this and thinking “if it’s bad to think about things getting better, why should I have goals?”, then you bring up a great point! Creating goals and envisioning a better life for yourself is important for your personal growth. We must have goals in order to live a fulfilling and functional life. However, the mindset we adopt in regards to our goals have a tremendous impact on our well-being.
Going through life checking off boxes means that your mind is always thinking about the future. The statement “when I obtain A, then I will obtain B” translates to “when I obtain A, I will no longer be in the life situation I am in now.” This statement not only encourages us to neglect the present, it also makes the present seem dreadful. This is sadly how the enjoyment of living life easily slips away.
Constantly chasing after the future creates anxiety for many. The anxiety comes from the formula mentioned above. When a person develops anxiety, this formula is then translated to “if I do not obtain A, then I will not obtain B”, which then is translated to “if I cannot obtain B, then I will be stuck in this life situation until I obtain A.” Have you ever felt so anxious about missing a deadline, getting that perfect body, or not having the latest Off-White shoe drop like all of your friends? If so, then perhaps you can relate to this thinking pattern.
Not only does this mindset create anxiety, depression is likely to develop too. What would happen if an individual could not obtain A? They would continue to stay in the life situation they are currently in. Let’s recall the mindset pattern mentioned above: “when I obtain A, I will no longer be in the life situation I am in now.” This pattern of thinking paints the present moment to always be negative, as working towards obtaining A means to run away from the present. So, if an individual with this mindset is stuck in their current life situation, they are very likely to feel intense loathing towards the present. In other words, they most likely will not enjoy their life.
I’m sure your next thought is “What about to-do lists? When I keep a to-do list, I usually check off each task that I complete. It helps me stay organized.”
If you keep a to-do list, that’s great! Keep in mind that I am referring to the mindset one has in regards to their to-do list. We must live our lives in a way that we can complete our goals while enjoying life and taking care of our well-being. How can we do this? By practicing presence.
Here are 4 tips to keep your well-being in check while embarking on life’s journey:
1. Gratitude
We must realize that life is about balance. Have you ever experienced a time when things were going really well and all of a sudden something unfortunate happened? Such as a car accident or getting really sick? It’s important to realize that life will throw us challenges when we least expect them. With the positives comes the negatives. It’s impossible for life to always be perfect. This is why we shouldn’t forget to appreciate the good things in life!
At the end of a stressful day, try thinking of three things that you are grateful for. It can be even the most simple thing such as the warm sun or the clothes you get to wear. Practicing gratitude is a great way to remind us that even on the most difficult days, there are still parts of our days that bring us comfort.
2. Give yourself time to rest and do the things you truly want to do for enjoyment
When we go through life checking off boxes, it often feels like we no longer do things for our enjoyment. Rather, we do things because we have to. Our daily tasks become like chores. Even the things that we used to do for fun feel like chores. So, how can we switch this mindset? Through setting intentions.
Setting an intention for each task we do can help us distinguish them as either work, enjoyment, or restoration. If going to the gym has become like a chore to you, then perhaps it’s time to reassess why you want to go to the gym. Do you enjoy working out and feeling healthy? Or do you find a gym as a way to relieve stress? Try to find another reason for going to the gym that makes it seem more enjoyable.
Lastly, make time. Your busy weeks should not consist of only work. Schedule in time to rest. Your mind needs breaks throughout the day to gain clarity. Taking breaks is necessary to keep us motivated and work efficiently.
3. Deep work and deep rest
This leads me to my next tip - deep work and deep rest. Have you ever tried deep work and deep rest? It turns out that multitasking may not be as efficient as we think it is. We work better when we can give all of our attention to one task at a time. By working faster and smarter, we’re able to get things done quicker. Working more efficiently can prevent us from feeling stressed about getting things done in a timely manner. A great tip to deep work is minimizing distractions. Turning your phone on do not disturb, going somewhere quiet to do work, and focusing on one thing at a time are some ways to practice deep work.
Deep rest is similar in that minimizing distractions will allow you to get the rest you need. Deep rest looks like clearing your mind and allowing your body to rest. Unfortunately, many people view scrolling through social media as a time to rest when it does not. Your mind is still taking in new information on social media. It is also likely that upsetting news pops up on your social media feed, so it’s important to avoid it when it’s time to rest.
4. Celebrate your small wins
The final tip is to celebrate your small wins! Many of us have big goals and dreams. Big goals could look like buying a new car, moving out, and graduating from college. Because these goals are so big, we often forget to praise ourselves for the small accomplishments we make on the way to achieving them. Remember that in order to achieve a big goal, we must also achieve lots of mini goals along the way. Some examples of mini goals are reaching a certain amount in your bank account, completing your homework on time, and creating a specific plan to move out. It’s good for us to celebrate our small victories as a reminder that we’re on the right track.
If you catch yourself going through life checking off boxes, it most likely means that you need to take a step back and reflect on all the hard work you’ve been doing. We must have moments to reset our mind and body so that we do not start to run on auto-pilot. The four tips above are excellent ways to help us reset and tackle our tasks in a lighter way. Our schedules may be busy, but we can still fit in time to rest and enjoy ourselves. I’d like to send you off with a quote by Eckhart Tolle:
“The only thing that is ultimately real about your journey is the step that you are taking at this moment. That’s all there ever is.”
Author Nicolette Candari
