It is common for people to care too much about what others think of them; however, it can become very unhealthy. It is important to indicate whether one cares too much about what people think of them. These are four indicators that show one cares too much about other people’s opinions on them: they struggle in making decisions, they are afraid to say “no”, they judge themselves through the eyes of others, and they struggle in asking for help. Once one is aware they value other people’s opinions more than their own opinion, it is important to grow out of that bad habit. 

One not having the ability to make decisions including small decisions comes from self-doubt, low self-esteem, and anxiety. This person is afraid of failure and is constantly overthinking about a decision and the bad possibilities that can be caused by the decision. Often this person will ask for approval or validation from family, friends, coworkers, etcetera. This allows them to not fully fault themselves if the decision causes any form of destruction; however, it is important to be able to trust oneself and be okay with any decision one decides. It is easier to be said than done when one is used to getting validation from others. It takes practice to make decisions that affect one’s life without other people’s approval. One will need to accept any outcomes from the decision and truly go with what they want for themselves, not what people around them want. One can start by weighing the pros and cons of a decision, listing out their goals and values when deciding for themselves. It takes time and practice to trust oneself; however, it is possible, leading to growth and higher self-esteem. 

Often those who care too much about what others think have difficulty in saying “no” to people. This leads to being a people pleaser. This person constantly devotes their time and energy to help others even when they can not; this person will cancel any plans they had to help someone. People pleasers tend to say “yes” more often than “no” just to avoid conflict; it can lead to doing things that do not align with their morals or values just to avoid conflict with others. People pleaser struggle with saying “no” to their friends, family. Co-workers etcetera. Even though one can argue this person is being unselfish and caring they are harming themselves. It can lead to neglecting their own needs in trying to help others and leading to physical and mental burnout trying to please everyone around them. It is important to recognize those bad habits and learning to say “no” and taking care of oneself. If one can not be at their strongest they will not be able to help themselves and others to their best ability. A tip, when asked to do something, it is important to ask yourself: “how does this benefit me, and am I neglecting my morals and values?” 

A person who judges themselves through the eyes of others is a sign that they care more about what others think of them than they think about themselves. This person is constantly judging every move or decision they make based on what others around them might think of them. This person will subconsciously train themselves to think first about what others might want of them than what they want for themselves. For example, John Doe is looking for colleges and throughout his entire life, his main focus was becoming a music producer; however, to his parents that is simply a hobby. Due to the opinions of his parents when John Doe is looking for colleges he is subconsciously looking for colleges that have great nursing programs. He will end up in a college he thinks he wants to go to but in reality, he is applying to colleges to meet his parents’ expectations. He will constantly judge himself through the eyes of his parents so he will proceed to make decisions he thinks he wants to not disappoint his parents.

To grow out of that habit the first step is to recognize you are judging yourself through the eyes of others. Take a step back when you are about to take action and make a decision ask yourself, “Do I often wonder what the people around me will think of this decision?” If the answer is yes it is clear that you judge yourself through the eyes of others. It is healthy to consider what your loved ones may think of a decision; however, when you are basing your whole life and decisions on those around you it is unhealthy. When seeing a constant repetition of self-doubt and caring about what random people may think of you based on a decision it has become an unhealthy habit that needs to be changed. Once one can acknowledge they judge themselves through the eyes of others the next step is to understand the reason why one may do that. It will take time to train oneself to subconsciously decide based on what one truly wants for themselves. 

The inability to ask for help when one is struggling is a sign of caring too much about what others may think of them. Often people struggle in asking for help because they think others will come to the conclusion they are not competent enough to handle anything. However, this could become a bad habit asking for help is important; it takes confidence to be able to take the initiative to ask for help when needed. Learning to ask for help is important because knowing how to in a professional environment is key. It is important to understand why you might not want to ask for help and put those thoughts to rest. Asking for help is a form of strength and shows one is taking the time to learn something new to improve oneself. A great reminder:  asking for help is a sign of wanting to better oneself and taking the initiative to improve oneself is admirable. 

To conclude, it is common for people to care too much about what others think of them. It is important to recognize when you allow yourself to value people’s opinions more than your own opinion and work towards stopping the bad habit of caring more about other people’s opinions. It is necessary to trust yourself and allow yourself to be comfortable with your values, opinions, and goals. 

Author: Lesly Montes