A lot of people have a really hard time applying self compassion to their daily lives. Today, we will talk about why self-compassion is so important, and what you can do to develop it. 

1. Self compassion is vital to one’s personal growth. We have extremely prevalent cognitive distortions, or thinking errors, that may prevent us from giving ourselves compassion. When we are able to begin to apply self compassion in our lives, then we can begin to grow. Instead of hating yourself for making mistakes, you can begin to give yourself compassion. 

   It might look like this: “What I did was wrong, however, all I can do is apologize sincerely, learn from the mistake, and not make it again.” When you look at your past, look at it to remember what you have learned. Do not sit there and beat yourself up for all of your misjudgments, mistakes, and poor decisions. We cannot change the past, but we can learn from it. Give yourself this compassion. Giving yourself compassion does not mean you are excusing your behaviors; it means that you are acknowledging they weren’t healthy or possibly morally right, and loving yourself and growing after them. It’s understanding that you can do better now, and forgiving yourself through the process. 

2. Nowadays, cancel culture is extremely prevalent. Don’t let this scare you from growth. If you have made a mistake and you are genuinely sorry for what you have done, then give yourself compassion, make the correct amends sincerely, and don’t make the mistake again. People make mistakes, but the mistake will be wrong AND meaningless unless you grow and learn from it. Self-compassion can help you here.

3. One cognitive distortion that prevents us from being self-compassionate is called “black and white thinking.” An example of this is saying, “I am a terrible person,” when you make a mistake. Making a mistake does not mean that you are a terrible person. It means that you made a mistake. All humans do. We aren’t robots, nor would we want to be. Being aware of this thinking error is the first step in the process. Now, what actions are you going to take after realizing you made the mistake and became aware of the thinking error that followed? If you would like to hear more about this cognitive distortion click here. 

4. A helpful tip for developing self-compassion is replacing your black and white thinking with other thoughts. Every time you think, “I’m a monster,” you can instead think, “I am not a monster, I just made a bad decision. What can I learn from this, and what can I do to attempt to fix it?” This will help you to make neural pathways in your brain that give you an easy route to self compassion, rather than an easy route to hateful self-talk. As the common neuroscience phrase goes, “Neurons that fire together, wire together.” If you would like to hear more about the science behind this, click here. 

References & Resources

Dare to Rewire Your Brain for Self-Compassion 

Black and White Thinking - Depression Skills #4 

Author Care With Carina